is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
