So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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