I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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