where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
