I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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