the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
40s are totally the cure
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
