Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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