You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
