Soap is not a condiment
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
