so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this beer tastes like vomit already
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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