Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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