She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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