I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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