So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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