Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
