the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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