i would punch a child for taco bell
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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