so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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