so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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