Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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