i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
