he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
