Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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