I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
