my sisters under your porch take her home
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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