and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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