I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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