I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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