Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
