It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
