Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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