I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
