You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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