a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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