and you said cock pushups were impossible
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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