I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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