Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
