I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
