If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
