Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
