i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
