I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
