it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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