she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
