I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it glows. i had to have it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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