God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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