the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
