Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
