Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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