batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
