the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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