We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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