we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I smell like Dick and happiness
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
