At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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