My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
