1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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