i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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