My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
