I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
