My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
