your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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