Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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