im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The best revenge is premature balding
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
These tits shall not be calmed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
