Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
