Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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