i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
