Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All the doctor said was why
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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