I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
