WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
