guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
