someone threw a dead crab at me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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