NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
