The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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