im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
