3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
