On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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