i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
