I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
