shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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