so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
