I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
