So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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