i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize