so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do vagina's smell?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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