I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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