I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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