remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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