somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
