I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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