Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
