I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
