Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
