Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
